Tabitha Rene Watson [Dec. 22, 1956 - Sept. 15, 2004]

I realize I'm posting this a day late [but not a buck short], but that's not what this is about. I'm going to talk about something that's been six years in the making. Something I could never quite pin down until just this week. With the help of a perfect stranger.

As you can see in the title, my Mom passed away six years and one day ago. Pancreatic Cancer, if I remember correctly. I was at a very integral point in my young adult life. I had just joined the United States Air Force and had just arrived at my first duty station. I remember calling her up in tears [not heavy tears, mind you, but enough] because I was scared, unsure, and thought I didn't like it. She was my main support. The one I could ALWAYS count on to say the right thing at the right moment. To help instill confidence in a very un-confident person. About two months later she would be gone. I would then, really, begin to put up my walls.

As soon as the initial shock wore off I knew I wanted to do something to show how much she meant to me. The first inklings [no pun intended] began to enter the fray that a tattoo might just be the thing. Something that could never be lost in a move, or a natural disaster. Something solid. Just like her.

Aum

One of the last things I remember her really liking was the Om symbol [real spelling apparently, Aum]. She had gotten it tattooed on the back of her shoulder fairly shortly before her passing. At first, that's what I wanted too. Though, not in the same place. That idea stayed in my head for quite some time. Slightly changing from time to time. Mostly in the color or size. I always knew I wanted it on my inner forearm, though. My left inner forearm.

Eventually, that idea started to change. I began to realize that it wasn't what I wanted. She loved the Aum symbol, but that's not what she meant to me. It was barely a fraction of her life, though an important fraction. My new idea, as stupid as it sounds, actually came from a video game. A game that hasn't yet released. There's a tattoo on the character's arm of a series of lines forming either a square or a rectangle. I can't really remember. I liked that it was simple and formed a shape. Looked neat. My new idea was to have a series of sentences, or words, form a shape in a similar manner as the aforementioned fictional tattoo. Now I just needed a series of words.

I've had a difficult time coming up with the words I wanted to use. The arrangement, as well. A lot of that has to do with the difficulty I have truly expressing my feelings. To go back into that place I don't want to go. I can talk about damn near anything, but to feel it again? That's a different story altogether. Nonetheless, I found some words. Even had them arranged in a way I felt good about. But there was a seed. A seed of doubt. A lingering little tick of a feeling that it wasn't quite right.

This is the original composition and wording:

With

Beauty & Grace

Wisdom & Strength

Compassion & Love

You live on

1956-2004

While I do still like those words, I didn't feel right about them. It was just too much. Too wordy, maybe? I still can't quite put my finger on it. The main glare would have to be, "You live on". Still doesn't sit well. It feels forced. That's it. 

I think I just put a finger on it.

Next came the revision. I began to search other words that meant the same as compassion. It's pretty much just a variant of love. In so many words. 

Scrapped.

Dropped a couple other words and I finally had my compilation/composition. Now I had to actually get it done. 

I left soon after for PAX, six days with my Dad in Idaho, followed by six days with my friend Andrew in Los Angeles. I didn't originally intend on getting it done while on my trip. Two days after arriving in LA I decided to get it. Because, as I posted on Facebook, "Why the hell not?". Now's as good a time as any. Honestly, if I didn't get it now it's one of those things I may never have gotten around to. Oh, I'd talk about getting. Just not anything more than that. 

I Google searched nearby tattoo parlors and even looked at some possible fonts [didn't really find anything I liked]. Drove down to the parlor the next day and really worked out the arrangement with the resident female, Emily. Part one of a two part process done! Now I just had to wait for her to finish the drawing. 

I showed up two days later at about 1:20 PM and finally got to see it. It wasn't what I had imagined it'd look like. It was better! She completely scrapped a few of the things we had talked about and just embellished one aspect to make up for the scrapping. I probably got in the chair at about 1:45 PM or so and didn't get up until 5:25 PM. That's one and a half to two times as long as she had thought it'd take! I began to wonder if she'd increase the price or stick to what she originally told me. Which was $200-$250. Fortunately, she stuck with the original. I ended up paying $210 today, with the total being $250 from the $40 deposit two days ago. I'm completely fine with that for all the work and time spent. It was even her one day off! Very cool of her.

Beginning of closure.

The end result is thus. It doesn't really form a shape. It's so much more elegant than I imagined. A piece that I'm extremely proud of. That conveys all that is my Mom to me. Apparently, it's what my Mom is to others as well. They've since told me such. 

It really came together with the assistance of Emily Scott at Riptide Tattoo. So, thank you, Emily. You've helped me close a chapter of my life. Being someone I just met, that's a big deal. Hell, it's a big deal period. Even if I'd known you for years. You did her justice. Thank you.